Tuesday, June 12, 2007

I'm tapped.

I got nothin'!

That's how I feel sometimes.

Nothing interesting to say. Nothing profound to expound on. No crafts to share. No projects of interest. Not sure why anyone is reading this blog. Can't figure out what it's all about anyway. Sounds like a pity party, right? Pathetic, party of one, please.

These are truly the thoughts that go through my head sometime and I am pretty sure I'm not alone. (chirp, chirp, chirp)

I don't have any expertise to offer. I don't consider myself knowledgeable enough on anything. I know many other people here would say "Well, I am no expert either, BUT...." I think it's the BUT that I lack.

Sometimes, I don't see how my life, thoughts, opinions, daily doings could be of interest to anyone else because I just see a lot of "ordinary". Which is silly, I know, because most of the blogs I read are about other people's ordinary lives, thoughts, opinions, etc...

I think it has to do with a lack of self confidence and an ever-questioning nature. (Husband says he hears the words "But how do you know?" an awful lot around here. Yeah...that'd be me!) Some people are naturally confident in their thoughts, decisions and opinions. They can expound on subjects with a tone so assertive it makes you believe that they have it all figured out. I know that in reality, their life might be just as crazy as mine with good days and bad days, days of practicing what they preach and days of chasing that wagon they just fell off. The things we read out here in the blog world are simply snippets of another person's life. Snippets that have been spell checked and grammar checked, edited and revised. I always find the truly honest posts to be the most engaging. (Which is the only reason I am actually posting this instead of hitting the delete button like I reeeeaaaally want to!)

I also don't think I have anything to offer because I have no delusions of having anything figured out (not even my grocery list). It surprises me (and terrifies me) when someone looks to me and says "You're an experienced homeschooler! How do you do it?" Who me???

Maybe the people who speak with authority really do believe they know better . Maybe they actually do. Maybe they are just faking it because the thought of admitting to anything else would be considered weakness.

I know my weaknesses (all too well!) and have never really had much trouble admitting to them. I think it is the only way you can learn. The only hope you have of changing those weaknesses is by challenging them rather than making excuses for them.

Perhaps I see my life as ordinary because it is MY life. Other people's struggles are interesting simply because they haven't been a part of my life experience. Being a child of divorce is an "ordinary" thing to me, but it might be an interesting story to someone else whereas another person's adoption chronicles are fascinating to me since I have only biological children.

I told myself from the beginning that this blog was my digital scrapbook. A place for me to record the things we encounter and experience. I guess the problem now is that I am struggling with the voice in my head saying, "If that is true, then why not just keep it private?"

Because, I love the community of moms that I have found. Moms like me! Real people with thoughts and opinions and kids to raise and laundry to fold...

"But you can still be a part of their world. What makes you think they want to be a part of yours? What do you have to offer?"

Support. Friendship. Joy.

"Again...you can do that without a blog. What is your purpose? Have you ever offered instruction or tutorials?"


"Do you have any expertise in any given field?"


"Any real proof that you have discovered how to build a better mouse trap?"


"Life experiences?"

A few.


Ummmmmm... well... (chirp, chirp, chirp)

Maybe I should offer glimpses of my ordinary life simply to repay all of those peeks into other's ordinary lives that made me feel "normal" instead of scared I had totally messed up my family. Maybe I should read more about St. Therese and her extra-ordinary littleness.

Maybe blogging and PMS are not compatible.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *
This is not a "Dear John" letter, just some honest struggles that I wanted to get off my chest. Please don't think I am fishing for compliments. Just trying to be honest! Hitting "publish" now and running before I change my mind.


  1. "Maybe blogging and PMS are not compatible."

    LOL! Maybe not!

  2. Or maybe, just maybe, it isn't about profound insights 24/7.

    Some of us who have a tendency to go into "lecture mode" at the drop of a hat sometimes admire the blogs that offer a simple vignette of family life, complete with the kids' corny jokes, the baby's latest cuteness, and mom's utterly amazing and artistic cakes. :)

    I know we're a bit different, Matilda. But there are people out there who read your blog and come away uplifted by the beautiful photographs and the glimpse into a lovely family's faithful life. We live in a world where family is under constant attack, and you may be offering lots of encouragement, without even knowing it, to families that are struggling.

    God bless!


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  4. This blog is a delightful spot for me, and I always enjoy my visits here. Most of us don't have anything extraordinary to say. But in reading about another mother's perspective on life I can be moved to laughter, tears, inspiration, or just learn some new ideas. I love the beauty of the ordinary, every-day struggles and joys of motherhood found in these blogs, including yours. :)

    And I love that last sentence!

  5. I'm glad you posted this, Matilda.

    I can't leave the hyper-lengthy comment I want to right now--it's supper time and well, you know--but I love your blog; I love your perspective; and no, I have no need for a better mousetrap at this time.

    And YOU KNOW i've had ALL those selfsame doubts you're sharing.

    Yup yup yup.

    Still do.

    Hugs & Kisses & a Margarita on hold for when you come visit,


  6. "the beauty of the ordinary, every-day struggles and joys of motherhood"

    I guess that really is the key that I need to try to focus on while I wait for these moments to ebb. It is what I love most about other blogs and while my life seems "ordinary" to me, it might move someone else to laugh or cry or just take a deep breath!

  7. Thanks Margaret! I don't think I have ever had a margarita. Shock, surprise, gasp!

    You mention the word "perspective" and that is something I forget. We all have different ones!

  8. I always look forward to checking into your blog. Personally, I prefer the "non lecturing" blogs myself. I like feeling like I've connected with a "real" person rather than like I'm reading a how-to book, not that I don't read those blogs too!! ;-)

    Thanks for sharing. Here's wishing you happy, ordinary thoughts to blog about! And them maybe you can pass some on to me. My well has gone dry too!

  9. I think you're doing that thing in your head again -- you know, that ongoing-monologue-worrying thing that we have in common.

    You always have something bright going on that I can enjoy!

  10. Hey Matilda ,
    Thanks for coming to my blog and commenting :-)
    I like your blog and lots of others do too !
    My one blog is hard I deal with lots of heavy stuff . Hardly anyone visits and I've only ever had one comment lol
    It does not matter . We are not here to be accetable to others only to Him for Him .
    If I can help one person heal via his love or protect one child or help one victim etc. My blog is worth it .
    Mother Teresa said sometimes we'll feel overwhelmed spiritually .I get like that at times and can't post on my blog until it settles .Good stuff just lots all at once that I haven't a clue what to write lol
    Your blog is wonderful .Telling it like is .I'm sure God is well pleased when we speak our true feelings that is exactly what he asks of us :-)
    God Bless You , Roxie

  11. I have had these same thoughts roaming around in my head lately. Is this worth it? Does anyone read this thing? Am I being too self centered? But, you know, if I hadn't been a blogger, I would never have found you (because you commented on my post...thanks see today's post for an official thanks). Since I just recently found your blog, I have been reading backwards. You make the most amazing cakes! I loved your themed birthday parties and the pictures of your flora and fauna (those words always make me think of the book Double Fudge by Judy Blume) are amazing. Despite the fact that I live in gorgeous green PA I am terrible about growing things....Keep blogging because I will be reading. It is in our simpleness that we do our best work I think. I made the decision the other day that each time I felt blah, that I felt meaningless, that I thought the "work" I was doing wasn't worth anything that I would offer up those feelings as a sacrifice for others I know who are having some major difficulties in their lives. God will use all of us in ways we can never imagine.

    Sorry this is so long, I just understand what you are feeling (and I chuckled a bit because you seemed to be reading my mind about me!) Have a blessed day. Beth

  12. I love your blog (and others like it) because, in an age where mothers don't often just sit around on their front porches gossiping and sipping tea and watching their children play anymore, I know that I can always pull a nice comfy chair up to my computer and, by at least READING about what's going on in other families that I've come to know and love, I can pretend it's the real thing. Please don't ever doubt whether you have anything "valuable" to contribute to this great big blogosphere...your simple presence, the giving of yourself, is worth more than you know.

  13. I love this post, Matilda, and I have to echo what everyone else said. You do have interesting things to say; you don't have to be an expert on anything; as Melissa said, just being your own unique self--that is the wonderful gift that you have to offer.
    BTW, Your thoughtful and encouraging note on my blog meant a lot to me... I hope I can be a virtual ear for you, too.
    And no, PMS and blogging are not compatible! But we'll keep on doing it anyway, won't we? ;-)


Thank you for sharing your thoughts and yourself!