Sunday, June 17, 2007
Let me 'splain....
We arrived at Mass this morning, after driving through a mild torrent of rain and, having employed a small army of umbrellas, we managed to get everyone inside with only a few stray drops tagging along. Ignoring Husband's protestations, I took BigBoy and told Husband to enjoy a nice, quiet Father's Day Mass. I settled into the back of the church with my precious child and prepared myself for a slightly wiggly, but mostly uneventful Mass. I was even a little pleased when I saw that Fr. J. would be the main celebrant for the day. Fr. J. was my philosophy professor in college and I have long since outgrown the overwhelming urge to fall asleep at the sound of his voice. (Having a wiggly 3 year old in your arms helps! : ) We were surely in for a rockin' good homily!
The beginning of Mass was punctuated by the usual fussing and squirming. The first reading was punctuated by a pungent smell. BigBoy had filled his diaper. (Yes, the potty train is still stuck in the train yard. Thanks for asking.)
Of course I had left the diaper bag in the car. I didn't want it to get wet! (Wait...it gets better.) So we grabbed an umbrella and headed to the van. BigBoy promptly climbed into position on the floor of the van and I grabbed the diaper bag.
Now, we won't say who used the last one without refilling the bag because... well, it's Father's Day. But the fact that the bag was empty couldn't be changed. The fact that the rain had picked up considerably since we had first entered the church also couldn't be changed. And since BigBoy had assumed the position on the floor of the van and I had to use the umbrella to shield him while also futilely searching through the empty diaper bag, the fact that the tilted umbrella had dumped a gallon on water on my backside sadly... could also not be changed.
At this point, I should have just headed back into Mass with my damp derriere and spent the rest of the hour drip drying, but this was one of those diapers.
It. could. not. wait.
So I trudged back into church to collect my purse from the foyer. No, I didn't take it with me... I didn't want it to get wet!!
I realized that I needed to go get some diapers but that meant taking BigBoy with me which would require him to sit in the car seat.
Did I mention it was one of those diapers?
I used the wet wipes in the diaper bag (which were actually pretty dry compared to my backside) to clean up what I could, then put the dirty diaper lined with the remaining wipes back on the kiddo who responded with a very supportive "Thank you dearest Mother for all your sufferings and sacrifices." which sounded like "Eeeewwwwwww!" to the untrained ear.
We headed back into the deluge for the fourth time now with purse and umbrella (although it was pretty pointless by this time) and into the van with prayers that Husband wouldn't try to come find me for the old "toddler switcheroo" at Communion. Down to the first place I could find that sold diapers, out into the rain again, both of us squishing down the aisles and then back to the counter where the perky blond comedian-with-a-day-job says "Ya'll stay dry out there!" as I turned on my soggy heel and headed out the door.
I quickly changed BigBoy using the back door of the van as a kind of shelter from the gawking stares, questions regarding my sanity and concerns for my child's safety that were coming from the heathens motoring by because by this time, my skirt was stuck to my backside like Cling Wrap (thank goodness I remembered to wear a slip!) We waited for the rest of the gang back in the parking lot with a plastic baggie on the driver's seat (I didn't want it to get wet!!!) and my shoes on the arms of the captain's chairs drying in the breeze of the AC.
"What happened to you?" Husband asked sympathetically.
Let me 'splain....
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God Bless you! I think you fulfilled your obligation and then some! We had a similar incident with THOSE diapers on Christmas Eve and had to leave post haste! There was no way I was going to communion with....leaking..well anyway I can sympathize with you.ReplyDelete
The next time I go to the store I am going to donate some diapers to the "bathroom area" for in need mommys like us!
BTW, our 3 yo has been really going through a whinny terrible time and I had really considered asking father if my obligatin could be changed to a weekday mass temporarily.
I definately think it counts, ;) What a great sens of humor you have, thanks for a great morning funny, I'll be laughing during diaper chnges today!! Have a good week! Blessings!ReplyDelete
LOL!! I think you even helped some souls from purgatory!! Thanks for the morning laugh!ReplyDelete
Well, it looks like I need to re-take the one-handed-whilst-nursing-at-the-keyboard typing lessons again (sheepish look inserted here!)ReplyDelete
Purgatory on earth my dear -- you're a good mama! I am certain you won't run out of diapers in the diaper bag anytime soon!ReplyDelete
I don't mean to laugh but the way you tell it is **SO** funny!ReplyDelete
Yet in spite of the troubles diapers present how I would love to diaper another...and another...*sigh*
You made my day!You are a wonderful mother *and* WIFE!
My DH says, "You should always carry a spare tee shirt and a roll of duct tape in the car." :)ReplyDelete
Oh dear... TIME SERVED, that is what the offical stamp would say! :-)ReplyDelete
Oh, Matilda, that was so funny!!!! You have a wonderful sense of humor.ReplyDelete
I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.ReplyDelete
Now this I can so relate to! I was just browsing (while procrastinating on my All Saints plans) and came across this post. I had a similar experience at a daily Mass a few eeks ago. I have been desparately trying to get my 3 lo's to a few daily Masses a week and since we are visiting family right now and most of the time don't have a car, I have been mostly failing. Anyway, one day I made it. I even found a daily Mass that would just work with my one year old's nap schedule if it was a regular 30 min daily Mass and we hurried home after with the girls keeping him awake in the car. So we got there (as it started to sprinkle) and the girls had to potty. We exit the bathroom and someone walks up to my oldest (4 yrs) and tells her her dress is tucked into her panties. I didn't notice this b/c I was too busy with the younger two, I guess. LOL Anyway, we sit down as the whole Catholic school enters and I realize this is the weekly Mass for the school and it is going to be at least an hour. I take a breath and think, "Surely the baby will make it a little past his naptime, right God?" Then about 15 minutes into Mass, I smell that foul smell you spoke of in your post and realize all my diapers were in the car and not in my purse. I think to myself that maybe we can make it through anyway without a diaper change because in my heart I know that by the time I get him changed Mass will be almost over. So 15 more minutes pass and he starts to get fussy. My baby boy is usually very good in Mass until after Communion, so I knew this was a combination of the dirty diaper and the exhaustion setting in (he does wake up before dawn and it was already past 9am, his normal naptime.) Since I was sandwiched in the middle of the aisle, getting out wasn't fun. We walk outside as the torrential downpour was just beginning. No umbrella b/c I am traveling and also didn't know it was going to rain anyway. So we hurry to the rental car (not my nice roomy van where I can actually change a diaper on the floor while staying safely dry.) I change his diaper in the front seat while my whole body gets soaked. And I figured Mass was almost over anyway and I just didn't have it in me to drag the crew back in when the baby was cranky and tired and we were all pretty wet (although I was the wettest). So I understand. I don't know if you felt guilty, but I did. Even though I know I shouldn't. I felt like the enemy won and I lost.ReplyDelete
Ok, I just saw this one in the sidebar and after reading it had to comment... This exact thing has happened to me! Minus the "y'all" from the cashier! LOL And I ended up missing all of mass and sat there wondering if I missed my obligation. :)ReplyDelete
That's mother-grit for you! You're story makes me want to create some kind of secret stockpile of diapers in our car, or something, but I would probably forget that it was there...ReplyDelete
OH my gosh! I didn't know you back then and have to laugh think of Big Boy...only knowing him since he was at least 5?? Have to laugh at the thought. But then, didn't something like that happen with Cupcake?? Twice, Charlotte! Oh my gosh!ReplyDelete