In an email I sent off to a friend who was checking in the other day I admitted that I really wasn't ready for this weekend.
Honestly, I would rather celebrate any other holiday this weekend than Mother's Day. Let's have a second go at St. Paddy's Day or what about National Train Day? I vote for that. Why? Because as much as I might want to be alone with the sorrow of a little one lost, I have four beautiful children here on earth who want to celebrate with me. They have already been pestering their father to make sure he doesn't forget and making secret arrangements behind closed doors.
I love them, I treasure them, I delight in them and yet... I know I'm not going to be able to keep a smile on my face all day. I know that at some point, I'm going to lose all control and giving into the weight of a heavy heart, sob in silence where I might not be heard, but knowing that the stains on my face will scream my shame. They have already endured so much of that these past few weeks, I can't bear to let them witness any more, especially on a day they want to rejoice.
So, in this email to a friend of the heart, I said that this weekend should be all about the Blessed Mother, for she alone knows all of the joys and pains of a mother's heart. I had no idea how to accomplish this at the time of writing, but then, in a moment of need, another friend comes along with an idea that acts like a balm to my aches and pains.
Kimberlee is hosting a Marian themed ATC swap for the month of May. You can read the details here. Kimberlee has generously opened it up to all ages which put a huge smile on BigBoy's face! So, this weekend we will work on ATC cards honoring the mother of Our Lord and hope and pray that the distraction of paint and pencil will keep the sorrow at bay, that every stroke and scratch I help them place will be accepted as a prayer for help and comfort. That in honoring the Blessed Mother, I can honor those sweet souls who make me a truly blessed mother.
It's wonderful that you'll join in with Kimberlee, Charlotte. Don't feel bad about your sorrow - your family knows and understands. Enjoy the day as much as you possibly can, and sneak into the bathroom when you need some privacy. Or shed tears with your little ones close. I'm quite sure they'll want to be there for you. We are still praying here, and will on Sunday especially.ReplyDelete
Please know that you are in my prayers. My heart goes out to you. I miscarried for the second time in February and couldn't help crying at Mass on Sunday when I saw my youngest looking at the newborn baby in the pew in front of us. May our Blessed Mother bring you comfort!
you continue to be in my prayers, especially this weekend.ReplyDelete
Give everything to Mary and you will be comforted in her joy. this Mother's Day is a day for your children to spoil you and pamper you. Feel their joy though your pain and thank God for them. ( I know you will)ReplyDelete
Love and prayers, Emily.. who will try to do the same and hold back the tears right along with you.
Hmmm..this is a day filled with such mixed emotions and you truly appreciate it if you have experienced that pain of such a loss. Just be... when you feel sad, that just might be your little ones thinking of you, wanting you to keep thinking about them - in heaven!ReplyDelete
I have been thinking and praying for you often lately. I too have a hard time with mother's day. I have many losses associated with month of May and I often times have a hard time feeling very jovial around the beginning of May.ReplyDelete
I just want to send you many many hugs.
Praying for you, Charlotte. We send our love to your and your family.ReplyDelete
Charlotte, sending many prayers your way this weekend.ReplyDelete
Many prayers for you, Charlotte.ReplyDelete
Bless you, Charlotte. To understand the joy and the sorrow both (and often at the same time) is to be a mother. His Mother does truly understand the best -- but our hearts are feeling with yours, too. Prayers coming from here, too.ReplyDelete