Someone sent me an email and mentioned that I've been quiet. She was checking up on me and poor dear, caught me on a really bad day but thankfully... God sent her into that situation to rally the prayer troops which she did and for that I am most grateful!
Things have been... OK. If you count a trip to the ER to rule out a possible infection and a waterfall of tears as... OK. First, let me just say that I am talking with my doctor about postpartum depression and keeping a close eye out for anything severe. I take that very seriously and would not hesitate to get help for it if my husband or doctor or therapist determined a need for it.
I have always struggled with postpartum emotions. It usually shows up as anxiety although after Shortcake, it was more like depression but not too severe. I so envy those moms who give birth and then sit back and bask in the glow of a sweet smelling newborn and just take it all in, every scent, every coo, every nuzzle. They might be tired from the lack of sleep, but other than being a little bleary eyed, they truly do enjoy their "babymoon".
I have never been that way.
I worry and fret and cry... a lot. Is she eating enough? Is she eating too much? Am I producing enough milk? Is she warm enough? Is she too warm? Is she crying because she's in pain? Did I do something wrong? All of my worst mothering insecurities come out in stark relief. This time around, with all the anxiety that happened prior to her birth and now with some of the minor complications we've had since she was born and the difficulty of a C-section recovery, it's been... significant.
And now we suspect that Cupcake has acid reflux. We'll be talking to the pediatrician tomorrow to see what he thinks. She's eating well and growing so I'm not worried about it, but it makes for a very fussy, frustrated little one. And that plays right in to all my fears and worries.
So, I'm a little quiet now because I'm processing it all out. I'm talking it out with my husband and some close friends. I also have my therapist on speed dial, just in case. And I'm also keeping my eye on this lovely prize:
Thanks again for your prayers and concern and thank God for friends who check up on you.